00:00   Cold Open

RECHELLE   00:00

I timidly sort of raised my hand and shared. I my thought was I did it wrong. That was my thought. And I just felt very sheepish and I felt shame around it. And I really expected to get some sort of a talking to. And I mean, I’m gonna feel so teary. Just her response was, I want you to do it wrong. I expect you to do it wrong. I want you to be bad at this at first. This is how you’re going to get better is to practice and to do it and to do it wrong and to do it badly.

00:47   Still Sendy: The Decades Map

BECKY   00:47

Hey, if you’re in a season of life where your kids aren’t taking up all of your time anymore and you’re just not sure what your role is after retirement, or you ever find yourself waking up or standing in an empty kitchen wondering what’s next, I want to help you to be still Sendy. I’ve created a free tool. It’s called the Decades Map. Go to sendymom.com/decades for this opportunity to see what you’ve given. And what you still have to give. Once you see how many decades you have left to give, tell me what is holding you back and join the five-day purpose challenge. In the challenge, you’ll receive an email every day with exercises structured to help you determine your purpose. At the end, there will be an invitation to a free phone call with me to go a little deeper with your purpose. There is no obligation. If it’s not the right time, maybe you do know somebody who would benefit. Send them my way. Share the link with your friends and family and maybe join the purpose challenge together. This might be the step that you’ve been waiting for. Rechelle told me that if something scares her a little bit and also excites her, it is a green light. Just go listen to some of the other great lessons I learned from Rechelle now.

02:03   Welcome & What Makes Rechelle Sendy

BECKY   02:03

Welcome to the Sendy Mom podcast. I am really excited to be here with my friend and fellow coach, Rechelle Conde-Nau

RECHELLE   02:09

Yeah. It’s a pleasure. I am very grateful for the invitation.

BECKY   02:15

Well good. And I was on Rechelle’s show not that long ago that’s called Unabashed You. So definitely check that out. And but we’re excited to kind of just kind of delve into maybe coaching, but also just Rechelle’s life and how she’s been Sendy. So I wanted to start out by asking that question, like, what makes you a Sendy mom? And if you have any stories that kind of illustrate that, that would be great.

RECHELLE   02:40

Yes, and I thought about this and I thought, you know, I’m not Sendy in the way of like physical challenge, like bungee jumping, jumping out of an airplane, skiing a black diamond. That’s not how I am Sendy. A and I love that for you and other people. That’s not how I’m Sendy. I am Sendy in my relationships and my circumstances and my life. So the idea that if something scares me a little bit and it also excites me, then that means green light go, go. And I d I do it scared. I do it scared, but I still do it. So I would say that I have definitely been Sendy in different life experiences that I’ve had.

BECKY   03:28

Okay, so give me an example. Where’s somewhere?

03:29   Flying to Israel With Panic Disorder

RECHELLE   03:29

Okay, so okay, ’cause I’ve got so many, but let me choose one. Okay. So throughout my life I’ve had panic attacks, so anxiety and they’ve kind of they sort of rear up at different sort of stages of my life and looking back I see that it had to do with major life changes that I probably wasn’t understanding the impact of what they were having on my life. So that it c sort of manifested itself in panic attacks. So those of us who have anxiety in that way, we you know can have a very structured idea of what safe is and what control looks like for us. So in my mind, I thought, well, I’m probably never gonna be able to travel very far from home because I home is my safe place. I’m I’m just not gonna be able to do that, and that’s okay. And slowly I, you know, sort of started traveling more and then our church was going to Israel and the pastor was going and his wife, we knew them and a bunch of couples that we knew and really liked, and I thought that’s like home going to Israel. So I thought, oh my gosh, I think I might be able to do that. So when we were taking off and I realized I’m 14 hours in this plane there’s no there’s no getting around this and another hack I’ve learned for those of us with anxiety and panic is to know there’s an exit, not necessarily a literal one, but a psychological one, like okay, if I go there and I do this, then I can just turn around and go home. Or if I do that, then I can do this and then I can, you know, kind of pedal away from the anxiety. So I thought, you know. If if we make it to Israel, and this was like some years back, and I just feel like I can’t do this, I know I can turn to Ron and go, Okay, get me home, get me back home, and he will do it. Knowing I could do that gave me all that I needed to be able to actually go and have a great time. Because in my mind, I knew that at any moment I could say, I gotta go, we need to go home. And I but I never exercised it. Just knowing that I could. It made all the difference. And and for me, that was very Sendy because it was scary. But I did it anyway. And and now we’ve built on that and we’ve been traveling a ton and loving it. And it has opened up my world in a way that honestly I never thought that would be possible. Like, I could probably go to New York. I could probably travel in the US, but I’m never gonna be able to go far. And now I know I can.

BECKY   06:26

That’s amazing. So you just take a little step and it sounds like you have a lot of trust in your husband and knew that i he wasn’t gonna pressure you to stay if you decide you didn’t want to, he’d just say, Okay, we’re out of here. And he did he like demonstrate that ever? Like did he f did you ever did he ever f have to follow through on that for you?

RECHELLE   06:44

Well, n not in that way so much, but like in different periods of time when the anxiety was particularly more pronounced. Sometimes we get like just very paralyzed and we just feel like we just can’t even or f that f freeze, that frozen thing. And he would the next day would be like, Why didn’t you wake me up? Wake me up, tell me what do you need? What do you need? He’s so good at the nurturing aspects. So it has helped me so much in the sense that, you know, I can’t say I’m never gonna have another panic attack again. I can’t say that, but I can say it’s been many years since I’ve had one. And I continue to move forward and am hopeful. But I know that it’s I don’t say never because that’s just not realistic.

07:30   Anxiety Runs in the Family

BECKY   07:30

Okay. Well cool. Okay. Well tell me a little bit about how you were raised you said that this kind of runs in your family a little bit. So did you see that in either of your parents? Did it cause you to be a more cautious child because of that?

RECHELLE   07:43

I was raised by my mom, so single mom. My dad was not in the picture and I did not know it at the time when I started having panic attacks, probably in the teenage years. I didn’t know that my mom had them, her mother had them, her sister had them, her nephew had them, her father had them. I didn’t know. Any of that. I didn’t know there was this very strong genetic predisposition. Come to find out later on that As I at 21, I remember saying to my mom, I need I need some help. I need to therapy or something. So she got me to therapy and that just really opened up a world. And then it came out she had panic attacks. Her sister had it just was like, oh my gosh, I mean, I didn’t know you don’t know what you don’t know. So now it was like, okay, so I have this and that’s that’s part of me, and I accept that. And now how do I how do live with that? How do I work with that? How do I become more victorious around that?

BECKY   08:52

Yeah, because those are definitely genetic and chemical dispositions that you have very little control over. However, you do have some like once you know it, then you can develop some tools, right? To to help you, which it sounds like, I mean, number one, you’ve got somebody in your corner that is giving you that escape hatch, you know, like if you need it, we’ve we’ve always got an escape, right? And then you just you took these steps to even overcome your fear, like booking the trip, recognizing that you’re taking your community with you, you’re taking home with you to Israel was helpful. So it again it comes back to your thoughts and what you’re thinking about these situations. But yeah.

RECHELLE   09:35

Yes, yes, my thoughts were y you know, it’s a lot of conditioning, a lot of years of conditioning and having, you know, done the therapy a couple different go rounds in my life made a really huge difference and each time got me more tools and then doing the thought work is very helpful too and Again, it’s not like I think I’m quote unquote cured. It’s just that I have a lot more awareness and I have a better understanding of, you know, my genetics. It’s not an excuse. I know how to work with it the best I can.

BECKY   10:11

Yeah. And that can be a tool. Like when you when you understand where you’re where you came from, that you can really use that as a tool. You can also use it a weapon, like you said, you know, like a as an excuse for things. So do you think that your par did your mom know that she had it?

RECHELLE   10:27

So so then she better understood through my going through therapy because cause he had her come in a few different times that oh you’ve got this too. Okay. Oh your sister has that too. Okay. So and but nobody was talking about it. Nobody was because there’s an element of shame, there’s an element of embarrassment. You’re like, I can’t explain what that feels like, why that happens. I mean I can’t. Explain it now, but at that time it felt too vulnerable for the generation before me to say, Hey, I can’t my aunt, I can’t drive over that bridge. I just can’t do it. I that will put me in a panic attack. We didn’t even call it a panic attack. We you know, I just can’t do it. It scares me, you know. Even to say that was too much. Yeah, each generation becomes a little more aware, a little more wanting to meet it. Not I don’t want to say solve it like it’s done, but like you say, the tools, like learning some of the tools to

BECKY   11:35

And and more language to be able to describe it even, right? So yeah, for sure.

RECHELLE   11:39

Yes, yes. So so then she better understood. And I was like, why didn’t you ever tell me? And she was like, I, you know, she didn’t really know or understand what was going on with her. So, you know, we do the best we can. And and the our best does not always mean great or good or perfect or anything. Sometimes our best is really subpar, but that was our best in that moment. And that’s okay. That’s okay.

12:07   A Cautious Child Who Rode the Bus Alone

BECKY   12:07

Yeah. So okay, so what about your children? Have you seen any of this in your own children?

RECHELLE   12:17

Not really. I mean, maybe in kind of what I would call sort of typical, like being nervous about this or that, or, you know, trying something new, that sort of thing. But no, nothing I don’t think that really rises to what I went through. I think my daughter has she’ll say I’m feeling really anxious about this. She’s able to sort of identify that. And I and I think that’s sort of the gift of the next generation is that we do have more language, we do have awareness, we can you know, ask our kids some questions and see where that conversation goes. And they do know what I’ve been through, so they do know that I can be a resource for them for all kinds of things.

BECKY   13:07

Which

RECHELLE   13:07

You asked me, did that make me a cautious child? Yes, it did make me a cautious child because I saw my mom cautious, right? So I sort of in a way modeled and I was firstborn, so you know, dutiful, obedient, all that. And yet when I wanted to try something new. I would say I want to do this. And she would be like, okay, and she’d make the calls and she’d help make it happen. She wasn’t really scouring for like adventures or opportunities for me to have. She was a single mom working full-time. She was doing the best she could do. But when I saw this article in the newspaper when I was probably in middle school or junior high, it was of a youth production, and I said, Mom, I want to do that. And so she figured out how to make that happen for me. And I had to take now, see, this is s this is Sendy I had to take by myself because I wanted it so bad that I couldn’t rally a friend. It was like I have to do this. I have to do this. I think I was 13. Twelve, I don’t know, somewhere in there. I took a bus by myself to the downtown of our city, which now is wonderful but was not then. It was not wonderful.

BECKY   14:29

You’re in you’re in San Diego, right? Did you grow up you grew up there? Yeah.

RECHELLE   14:30

San Diego and I had a transfer at the worst part of town to take the next bus to the location of the classes and the production. There I had no cell phone. There was no cell phone. My mom was not tracking where I was. And I remember many times being very fearful. Like here I am, this young girl. You know, on the bus by herself, transferring and this but it was like n I want to do that. So I am willing to be scared. And I’m so glad I did it ’cause it was a great building block for me. It was a wonderful experience. I just I got to learn a lot, grow a lot, be in some productions and it was it was fabulous. I eventually got her carpool, which was wonderful. Which was the best part.

BECKY   15:18

Mu much better than going on the bus as an eleven year old. So but yeah, I mean that I that’s really the lesson, right? Is like I mean, do it scared, I guess you could call it, or just, you know, take the first step or just even if you’re scared, you try to do something ’cause doing nothing l leaves you stuck. But you know, honestly, like all of these experiences you’ve had in your life have brought you to the point where you are where you can be super helpful to other people that have the same stuff. So I think that’s awesome. Yeah.

15:53   Green Light vs. Hard No

RECHELLE   15:53

Well, and I l I am very grateful and feel very honored to have the opportunity to share and to speak into others, so that they know. I mean, I sort of think of it as if you’re excited about something and scared, to me that is a green light. That means go. If it’s a hard no, don’t worry about it. That’s a hard no. I’m not like you, Becky, I’m not gonna jump out of a plane. That’s a hard no for me. And that and that’s okay. I don’t have to jump out of a plane. It’s a hard no.

BECKY   16:26

No, no. Yeah, my husband my husband’s a hard no too. When I did jump out of the plane, my he didn’t want to know when I was doing it. He didn’t wanna be involved at all. He’s like, you just go do your thing and then, you know, maybe a week later you can tell me about it. So that’s how that went. Yeah.

RECHELLE   16:45

Because he didn’t want to sit in a pool of worry, you know, knowing it was coming up and it’s the day and it’s the minute and it’s the hour and my god, is she okay? I love how healthy he was and just saying, yeah, tell me way after.

16:59   Act Three at 60: Starting a Podcast

BECKY   16:59

That’s true. Yeah. And that’s you know, and that’s a strategy too, right? So okay, tell me about a time when you had some significant challenges in achieving a goal that you wanted for yourself.

RECHELLE   17:11

Oh my gosh. Well there are so many, Becky. We could do a whole series, I think, on each person you have on here because we have all these we have all these chapters and so many of our chapters have challenges and obstacles and things that we have to oh we get to work through if we want to. Okay, so I thought of this one. This is a little more recent. When I turned 60, I thought, okay. So zero to thirty, that was act one, thirty to sixty is act two, sixty plus. I don’t know how long I have. Nobody does actually, no matter what stage you’re in, I’m now in act three. It’s go time. Anything that’s left that I want to do, I have to go. Not I have to, I get to. I get to go do it, whatever that is. And I kind of played around with the idea of a podcast because I had been listening to a couple different ones that I liked. And that was kind of in the infancy of podcasts. And so I thought, you know, I want to start a podcast. And I had so much imposter syndrome, like I couldn’t even like say it out loud. Like what will people think? You know, well, guess what? Who cares? And I have no control over that anyway. So I thought, well, a podcast. I’m starting a podcast. And I got to be able to say it a little more easily. And that’s kind of the the benefit of sort of practicing saying something and believing it yourself is that you can I can now say that without any imposter syndrome whatsoever. Okay. So I thought, okay, well, first of all, how do you do that? Okay. How do

BECKY   18:49

I know it’s kinda big.

RECHELLE   18:51

Yeah, how do you do that? Because I’m not I would not consider myself a naturally techie person at all, at all. And yet like anything, if you decide I want to know how to do this thing, just like I wanted to go to go be in the place in downtown San Diego, I have to figure out how to do it. So now it becomes, okay, so where do I have it? I use their resources. Google it, YouTube it, ask other people. So you’re you start gathering all this information and then sometimes you are so frustrated and it’s so overwhelming that you just like I can’t do this. And then you are mad for a day or two, and then you’re like, okay, okay, let’s go back. Let’s go back. I gotta figure this out. So the idea that you actually can figure it out drives the cycle of excitement, challenge, frustration, anger, disappointment, discouragement. Pause. Okay, let’s go back and figure it out. And you just keep doing that over and over and over. And the next thing you know, you know how to record a podcast. And you know how to edit it. And you know where to put it. And you know, the next

BECKY   20:18

It’s

RECHELLE   20:20

It’s in the doing. It’s in the doing, just like anything. It’s in the doing.

BECKY   20:24

Well, and having you know, like any challenge you have is figure outable, right? And you just put, okay, what’s the obstacle? And you just tick off one at a time and you figure it out. So yes, very similar journeys on pod the my podcasting too. So I can totally relate. But it is possible. Like anybody could do it. They really could.

20:44   The Nudge: “What Are You Waiting For?”

RECHELLE   20:44

Yes, yes, yes. People let intimidation and fear just stop them in their tracks. Now not everybody wants to do a podcast. I get that. You don’t have to. But what is that thing that you either secretly want to do or God has put a little nudge there and you’re you’re even afraid to give voice to it. Well, that’s not what he wants for you. He wants for you to go, Yes, I ha I have a heart for this or that. Or this or that. We need everybody to do all the things. That’s what makes this all work. If we’re all doing the things. That’s what makes it work. Parts of the body. We all have to be

BECKY   21:22

Yeah, because we all have we all have gifts, right? And for a reason, ’cause we’re going to share them with each other and make a beautiful world with everybody’s gifts all together. So love.

RECHELLE   21:35

And and then some people allow fear and not knowing what to do next, just you know, keep them, keep them there. Because, you know, when we were young girls, we pictured, I’m gonna finish school and I’m gonna fall in love and I might go to college and I might have a career and a job, I’m gonna have these kids, and but we didn’t really picture that last section. Well, wait a minute, what do I do now? What’s next? And then I’d like the idea of listening to God to see if you want what he has for you. And I feel like, you know, God isn’t always big and dramatic. Sometimes he is, but sometimes, often he’s just calm. It gives you a little whisper, it gives you a little nudge. He has a friend say something and you’re like, you know he had you know that friend was supposed to said that to you because you were supposed to hear those words. Like right before I started the podcast, the phrase, the question, what are you waiting for? I can’t tell you how many times it came to me in multiple ways to the point where I was just like oh my gosh. So I wrote it out somewhere where I could see it every day. What are you waiting for? And and it was so motivating. It was like, okay, you’re right, right. What am I waiting for? Okay, you’re right. I’m gonna do the thing. And can I can’t even imagine, truly cannot imagine. What my life all what I would have missed out on had I not started the podcast Unabashed You. Truly. Not any kind of vanity metrics at all. Simply the connections I’ve made with people, the conversations I’ve gotten to have, the ways we’ve collaborated and supported each other. I mean, it is blessed me so much. I mean, I just feel teary sharing that. I mean, the different people that I choose to still be connected with, we’re still in each other’s lives. We’ve never been in the same room. No, we haven’t. And yet we’re s we’ve we’ve connected and now we want to be connected and so we support each other and it’s so beautiful. I would have missed out.

24:00   Becoming a Life Coach

BECKY   24:00

So tell me what got you into coaching? Why did you decide to be a coach? We just we both just graduated from Jody Moore’s Better Than Happy coach train coach training and it was so worth it, right?

RECHELLE   24:09

Yes. You know, it’s interesting. I think because of just my personality, I think if I had to distill who I am down to one gift, it would be an encourager. I and I just see that across every career, job, relationship I’ve ever had. And I think people just naturally sort of come to me. And you and I’ve talked at length about the difference between giving advice and coaching. They’re they’re two very different things. It felt like a natural extension. So with each episode that I have on the podcast, I write a blog that goes with it. It’s something a thought or something the person said, something that made me think of, that I then I then write about it and that act of sort of writing that I f a lot of people have come back and said, oh my gosh, that was so helpful, this, that, the other thing. And so when I started seeing more stuff about coaching, I would I of course I went right to I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t be a coach. I’m I know I would feel like an we call an imposter syndrome. We didn’t have that language, but y you know, you’re just like, I couldn’t do that. I could then yeah, the more I saw it, the more I thought, oh my gosh, this feels like a natural extension of who I am, the life experience I’ve had, you know, the gifts I’ve been given to serve, and then, you know, having these opportunities then to say yes to coach training, like yes. Yes, I want to learn more about it. If I’m going to do it, I would like to have some substance behind me. I don’t just want to hang out a little shingle that says coach and then hope somebody shows up. No, I want to kind of know what I’m doing or be trained in a, you know, in s something that’s very substantial. So it felt it felt very natural to me to be able to do it. To, you know, to say yes to coaching.

BECKY   26:07

And I would totally agree. And and you know, after graduating, then, you know, there is the hanging the shingle out there, but you’ve got the credibility behind it because of the rigorous training that we actually did go through in doing this. You know, we’ve had you know, a hundred hours of probably of coaching, you know, w among ourselves and around and among some of some you know, clients that we didn’t never knew, borrowed clients, right? So, yeah.

RECHELLE   26:37

Yes, yes. I called them practice clients, but they were I mean, it was real. We were doing the real thing and yeah, we had a Jody was able to give us a tremendous amount of exposure and experience during that during that whole nine month process was really invaluable. And I it and then that just makes me feel even more like, Well, yes, I’m gonna keep moving forward.

27:05   The Purpose Reset & Group Coaching

BECKY   27:05

That’s right. Yeah, as we do. Okay, so tell me what crossroads I now that we’ve graduated and everything, what kind of crossroads do you think you’re at this point and what are the two tools that you’re using to choose your path?

RECHELLE   27:19

Well, I would say that I our very last our very last assignment was to create an outline. And I had messed around with a lot of coaching content because I had been a classroom teacher, because I had written a tremendous amount of curriculum for my second career, which was being the director of a performing arts program. Yeah, so I

BECKY   27:46

Ooh, we’re gonna have to get into those too.

RECHELLE   27:49

I was very well versed in writing curriculum, coming up with fun ideas and trying to make learning fun. So I was like, well, an outline, I mean, that’s just not I don’t want to say it’s not challenging enough, but I felt like I can do more than an outline. So I put together my pro I challenged myself. I’m gonna put together a program. So I called it the purpose reset. And then I just went with six sessions and I crafted the six different sessions. So that is what I turned in for our final assignment. And so I put it out to my email list and said, first three people who respond to this are gonna get this you know the beta round of this complimentary. So on that first day I had three and it was like, oh my gosh, this is so great. I love it. And then

BECKY   28:43

This works. Yeah.

RECHELLE   28:47

I and then I wanted to practice a group and I was like, that seems a little harder. So I’m gonna reach out to three of my friends and say, I want to do a group with you. Would you be okay with doing a group for me so that I can practice? And they all said yes. I think I’m very comfortable doing, you know, one-on-one or group. I think I prefer group. I just think there’s something that happens with a group dynamic that I think I really appreciate.

BECKY   29:15

Yeah. Yeah, no, and you know, and there’s no right way to do it or wrong way to do it. So the point is that we just start it and then if it doesn’t work then you try something else. You know, that’s ’cause the biggest problem is people that who get paralyzed and just don’t do anything at all. And then and then you go backwards ’cause you’re not if you’re not moving forward, you’re moving backwards. You’re always moving one way or the other. And so I think I that’s I think that’s awesome that you’re like trying the groups and trying different things to just figure out what’s gonna work and I love that. So t let’s go back a little bit to, you know, why you why you decided

29:52   Fifth Grade and “Is It a Cry Day?”

RECHELLE   29:52

Okay, sure.

BECKY   29:54

To be a teacher and what you loved about that and or what you hated about it.

RECHELLE   30:03

Okay, I was a single mom, like my mom was a single mom. I had one son and his bio dad’s mother said, I think you should be a teacher. I said, Really? And she said, Yeah, it’s really a good fit for being a single mom. So I thought, that’s so interesting. So that’s when I started looking into it. And I went back then and got a teaching credential and thought, I think I would do well with this. In fact, one of my mentors in high school, really my one mentor in high school. He said to me in high school, You’re going to college. And I said, What? I’m going to college? He goes, Yes, you are going to college. And I went, Oh, okay. I just he knew that I didn’t have a father figure in the home and I think he was so good. He was so good at expecting a lot out of especially the kids that that really would, listen to him and you know wanted to connect with him. He just he had high expectations of himself, he had high expectations of those around him. And not everybody, you know, wants to participate in that, but I just said, okay. So then fast forward, and then this dear woman says, I think you should consider being a teacher, and I did, and loved it. I absolutely loved it. And I was a fifth grade teacher for a long time. I love fifth grade because they’re just starting to get independent, they’re starting to get social, so I could do a lot of group projects. So I loved connecting with my kids and I would read them a story. And some of the stories were sad and some of the stories I would cry, but I and I just felt like this is me. This is a sad chapter we’re on and they’d be like, Miss Connie, Miss Connie, is it a cry day? Is it a cry day? And they’d r run up and give me Kleenex and they’d have little smiles on their faces.

BECKY   32:01

Aw, that is actually really sweet. I don’t think I would ever want to be an elementary school teacher. That just sounds like I don’t know. That like that’s why we all have different gifts, right? And that we can we can use those. I loved being a mom of my kids, but I just have no discipline myself. I think I would like my class would have been out of control. So yeah, that’s I love people that’s what their passion is and that’s what they want to do. And that you can do it for a period of time and then decide, actually I’m gonna pivot and I’m gonna do something else now. This is this has been good for me and I’m closing this chapter, I’m opening up a new one. Yeah. So

32:38   Let Kids Fail

RECHELLE   32:38

Yes. And yes, and that’s exactly what happened. That’s exactly what happened. I loved it. I would say the only downside that I found was we were in an affluent area and sometimes parents of affluence can get a little too involved. Of course I welcome and wanted them to be involved, but I think there’s a point at which, especially starting around that age, they need to be far more independent and far more responsible for their own actions.

BECKY   33:09

Ha, I love that. A couple of weeks ago when I had Nicole on the podcast and she talked about, you know, having her first grader, you know, she forgot her homework or something like that. And the teacher had said, Well, can you just put it in her backpack for her? And Nicole said, No, because if I’m doing that, then I’m gonna be doing it for until she goes to college. She has to remember, she knows where the homework is. She’s gonna have to just remember to put it in her bag. So yeah. At first I mean you can do that at first grade too.

RECHELLE   33:34

Yes. Yeah, I w and I and I think I absolutely and I think that I wanted you know, we don’t want our kids to hurt, we don’t want them to feel pain, we don’t want them to fail, and yet they need to do all of those things to progress and to learn and to build the character that they’re meant to learn. If we rescue and save them from everything, how are they ever gonna, you know, develop some good, strong character and integrity? No, thank you.

BECKY   34:05

Yeah. But that’s hard. It is hard to watch your kids fail for sure. Yeah. Yeah. But that is part of that’s

RECHELLE   34:10

Yes, of course it is. Of course it is. Yes.

BECKY   34:15

Part of the plan. That’s why we’re that’s why we’re here, what we’re doing.

34:19   Midway Break

BECKY   34:19

Hey, Sendy friends, let’s pause my conversation with Rechelle for just a minute. First, thank you. Thank you so much for being part of the Sendy community. Every listen, every share, and every review helps another woman find the courage to take her next baby step, even when she’s scared. If Rechelle’s story is speaking to you, send this episode to someone who needs to hear that excited and scared is a green light. Your sister, your friend who’s been sitting on a dream, your group chat. And if you haven’t already, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Then head to sendymom.com and subscribe there too. So new episodes and blog posts land right in your inbox. I also want to tell you about Still Sendy. It’s my coaching program for women of faith who want a reason to get out of bed in the morning. If your kids need you a little less, if you’re wondering what’s next, or if you just feel stuck, Still Sendy will help you claim your purpose and build momentum that lasts. You can find it at sendymom.com/freecoaching. The next episode will be a Sendy spotlight. My sweet father-in-law bought me a book. I’m going to be telling the story of a woman who has been sending it for more than six decades, Dolly Parton. From a one-room cabin in the Smoky Mountains to building an empire and giving millions of books to kids, Dolly is proof that big dreams and a big heart can go together. You won’t want to miss it. Okay. Back to Rechelle.

35:51   Building a Blended Family

BECKY   35:51

So tell me a little bit about this blended family that you kind of came into. How long ago was that? And and how did that come about? Wow.

RECHELLE   35:57

It was 30 years ago, 30 years ago, if you can believe that. So I’ve got my son and we’re doing life and I’m a teacher and I bought a condo and I’m like, oh my gosh, I’m a grown-up. I’m doing all the things, you know? Yeah.

BECKY   36:11

Yeah. You didn’t need a man. Didn’t need a man at all.

RECHELLE   36:17

And friends of ours, mutual friends fixed us up together. Because through the years he had gotten married and had three kids and I’d had, you know, relationships and every once in a while our paths would come kind of cross on the periphery. So we knew of each other, but we didn’t, you know, we weren’t really doing life together. And he apparently a after he got divorced asked about me to our mutual friends, and that was the first time I went.

BECKY   36:51

Maybe this is a possibility.

RECHELLE   36:51

Interesting. Yeah. So fast forward like two more years, and then our mutual friends said, Hey, can I give me your phone number? It’s like, Yes, you can. So that started it, and it just never it just it just grew and grew and grew from there. So he had three children that he had halftime. So one week off, one week on, and I had my son full time. And so when we got married, you know, blending families is not easy at all. I would say that I still have good relationships with my stepkids. You know,

BECKY   37:29

Uh-huh.

37:30   Forgiving an Absent Father: Love Does

RECHELLE   37:30

We did our best. And I of course we made mistakes. I mean, blending, not blending, whatever. You you that’s part of it. That’s just part of it. And I think for myself when I was in my twenties and s you know, started some therapy and I was looking at the lack of my father in my life and then how sacrificial and devoted my mom was to raising my brother and I. I really think I came to the recognition that everybody’s doing the best they can at the time with what they know, the information they have, where they’re at. And when they know better, hopefully they choose to do better. Not everybody

BECKY   38:10

Do better.

RECHELLE   38:11

Does, not everybody does. My dad was ill equipped to be a father. And so my brother and I now in hindsight are like, thank you, that he was not even able to raise us because he would not have he would not have done a good job and we’re okay with that. No, and we’re

BECKY   38:26

Wouldn’t have been a good father. Yeah.

RECHELLE   38:29

Way okay with that. My mother was very devoted, very you know, she sacrificed a huge portion of her life to make sure that her daughter and her son, you know, had a roof over her head, our heads and food on the table and all of that. So I really look at the sacrifices she made and how devoted she was, and same with her mother as being very meaningful in my life to what love looks like. Love does. I’m I say that a lot in my own personal life. It’s like love does. I mean you can say all kinds of things, but it’s in the doing anyway. Yeah, it’s in the doing.

BECKY   39:05

Yeah, yeah. No, love it love is a verb for sure. So it’s something that we act and something that only we can feel or give. It’s not like somebody can give it to us. So yeah, I love that. Well, and how wonderful that you can go and look at your father and be grateful for the things that he provided for you, even though he wasn’t around. So that’s a lot more

RECHELLE   39:29

Right, e exactly.

BECKY   39:31

Healthy of a story, right?

RECHELLE   39:33

Well, and in his fifties he came to have faith. So he really became a changed man, which was we were obviously all adults by then and it was like, wow, okay, cool, cool, good for you.

BECKY   39:43

Huh, yeah. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

39:44   Christian John’s 92 Days

RECHELLE   39:44

And to answer your question, back to the blended family. So because neither one of us had the experience we sort of imagined and dreamt of as kids or even young adults, we decided we wanted to have a child together. Like, like, let’s have one together. Wouldn’t that be so cool?

BECKY   39:58

Okay. Yeah.

RECHELLE   40:01

Because your experience wasn’t great. Mine was by myself. So let’s do it kind of the way we always wanted to do it. So we had a son. Well, I was pregnant and while it was pregnant found out he had a lethal heart defect. So we spent the majority of the pregnancy realizing that oh my gosh, this little guy is not really gonna live. This is this is going to be a very hard time for all of us. But we learned so much in that process. Now he ended up living three months. He was only supposed to live part of one day. So we got the gift of that extra time and he actually even got to come home. He was in the hospital for six weeks, he was home for six weeks, and then he died. And we learned so much, and our faith increased so much through having had that experience. Neither one of us would have volunteered for it, and yet we are both so grateful to have had it. For us, we know it’s the Romans 8:28. We know that God causes all things to work for good. To those who are called according to his purpose, right? So all things.

BECKY   41:11

Yeah I

RECHELLE   41:13

It doesn’t say in parentheses except with when Rechelle and Ron’s son dies. Doesn’t say that. Doesn’t say that. There’s no except. There’s no except.

BECKY   41:18

Yeah. Mm. Yeah. No. No, it always works.

RECHELLE   41:23

He was ordained to have ninety-two days.

41:26   What’s Working Now: Thought Work

BECKY   41:26

So tell me what is working really well in your life right now?

RECHELLE   41:32

I think having gone through coach training, I believe because of what we learned and what we practice, because it’s more than just the learning, you know, the being able to apply it and then apply it again and practice and practice and practice, I think I’m seeing things a little differently and I’m at different thoughts and I’m saying, do I want that thought? I mean like you know right now I do want that thought. I am feeling a little hurt about X, Y, or Z and I want to process that hurt. I’m not gonna be you know I’m not gonna hang on to it, but I’m gonna feel that hurt for a little bit, then I’m gonna get rid of it. Or jumping right to well I don’t have to think that. If I think this, then I this is better for me. And and not I don’t I think I get a lot less rankled about things, you know. As somebody who has dealt with anxiety, we tend to be a little more on the perfection side and you know, and I think I’ve really been able to loosen a lot of that up. Through practice and through having a blended family. I mean in the beginning, the ver first couple of times we decorated a Christmas tree and I was like, Oh, you can’t have so many reds right next to each other. Oh my gosh, you know? And yeah.

BECKY   42:47

Don’t you know what a tree’s supposed to look like?

RECHELLE   42:50

And then the next day kind of, you know, rearranging a few, not too many, and now I’m like just throw them up. I don’t even I don’t even care. Doesn’t matter. I don’t care. So yeah, but

BECKY   42:59

Yeah. Change the priorities. Yeah.

RECHELLE   43:02

It just it you know it’s a process and you have to be kind to yourself through the process. That’s something else I learned. It’s I w as we said earlier, doing the best we can. I was doing the best I could and I’m learning no more, I know a little better, and I choose to do a little better and you know, I keep moving forward, like you said, keep moving forward. So now I just don’t yeah, I don’t care. It’s how wonderful the tree looks great.

43:26   “I Want You to Do It Wrong”

BECKY   43:26

Yeah. Yeah. And that kind of takes the limits out of what you can accomplish if you allow yourself to just to make mistakes. So I why don’t you kind of explain what you’re thinking about mistakes, like when we were talking about that.

RECHELLE   43:41

Yes. Okay, so this is a great story. I didn’t even prepare the story for this talk, but I love sharing this story. So in our program that we were in, we got these practice clients, right? And so it’s I’m I’m I’m halfway through my practice clients, meaning it’s wasn’t the first one I had, it was part way through, and this woman happened to be a co a fellow coach and also somebody who seemed to know Jody well and their mothers knew each other and so she i felt very and sort of intimidated like oh my gosh why did she sign up for this oh my gosh so I’m yeah gosh so

BECKY   44:19

Yeah. With me, brand new coach.

RECHELLE   44:26

I’m you know walking her through the things and walking her through the things and then at the end She she starts telling me I think what she thinks how I should be coaching. So she’s like, Yeah, you know, you know, you need to listen more and you need to do this and you need to do that. So there was a level of I know and you don’t that was coming from her. That now that’s a thought. I understand that’s how it felt at the time. And I just was horrified because I’m practicing, I’m sucking at this. This is somebody that she knows Jody knows well. No. The mothers are gonna talk to each other and I am going to get in trouble. I’m gonna get a reprimand. I’m gonna get in trouble. I really thought this, and this was just earlier this year. So these things, you know, you still and so the next time we got on our little communal call. I timidly sort of raised my hand and said, you know, kind of shared. I my thought was I did it wrong. That was my thought. And I just felt very sheepish and I felt shame around it. And I really expected to get some sort of a talking to. And I mean, I’m gonna feel so teary. Just her response was, I want you to do it wrong. I expect you to do it wrong. I want you to be bad at this at first. This is how you’re going to get better is to practice and to do it and to do it wrong and to do it badly. And I was like, I physically,

BECKY   46:01

What a relief.

RECHELLE   46:02

Physically, emotionally felt this weight just release from my body and my heart. Then I wrote a bunch of blogs about being wrong. And I was listening to podcast and one of the hosts was talking about when he was a diver in college and how his coach told him you need to be getting this or I did that so wrong. No, you didn’t do it wrong. You have to do it wrong because then you’re gonna make the little tweaks to get better and better and better. I want you to get it wrong. I’m like, oh okay, I heard you. I heard you, I heard you, thank you. What a gift.

BECKY   46:39

Yeah. Yeah. It’s not well, and like for you to be able to be vulnerable like that, that’s that takes courage. That is being Sendy. Like to be able to be vulnerable and tell, you know, where you’ve where you’re worried. I mean, you were worried that you were gonna get in trouble for doing something wrong. And I think that’s very that’s a very common feeling that a lot of us have. Like I certainly ha get that feeling all the time. I’m gonna do it wrong. I’ve I’ve did it wrong. And and then you’re like going back and trying to figure out, what did I what did I say? You know, you’re going through 30 years of like all the wrong things that you’ve ever said and you’re beating yourself up about it, you know, it does no good, right? So we make little iterations when you find out, when you find out that you hurt somebody or you didn’t show up the way that you wanted to or something like that. You just you’d say that’s information and you take the information, you say, Okay, how am I gonna change so that I can be a little bit better and yeah, that’s what we’re all doing. None of us are perfect and we’re all just muddling around.

RECHELLE   47:42

It it was such a profound gift with tremendous impact that I know I will take with me for the end of my days. So now when I assess, it’s like, oh, okay, well, I can do it this way this time. There’s no more shame. There’s no more guilt. I’m not I’m not gonna say I’m never gonna feel those things again. I’m sure that I am. But I’ve given myself permission to do it wrong, to be wrong, and then I at the end of the day I can say, you know what, you’re right. I’m gonna take this and I’m gonna do it differently moving forward. I mean, I w I love that idea that it’s the next thing you do that matters. Because you do this first thing and you’re like, oh, wait a minute, that could have gone a little differently. And so now what am I gonna do next? I’m gonna say, okay, I’m learning that, I learned that. Okay, now I’m gonna do it differently. I’m gonna do it differently. Little steps, yes, yes.

BECKY   48:41

Little steps. Mm-hmm. Yep. But if you don’t do anything, you don’t know what you’re what you could improve on, right? So we just have to keep moving. It just comes down to this, keep moving. And that’s that’s really what being Sendy is all about. So what’s

RECHELLE   48:56

Yes.

48:57   The Room of Unopened Gifts

BECKY   48:57

Inspires you to keep moving?

RECHELLE   49:01

God, I think he’s my number one be because I don’t wanna get to the other side and i I don’t know if you’ve heard the story where, you know, somebody gets led into heaven and they show you a gi a room and the room has all these wrapped gifts and the person says, Well wait a minute, what’s that? That’s all the things you didn’t open.

BECKY   49:24

Oh, I love that, Rechelle. What a good imagery. Yeah. All right.

RECHELLE   49:28

You know, I mean I say don’t leave any gifts on the table. I mean, and it’s that same idea that wait a minute, what? All of that was for me?

BECKY   49:36

Yeah.

RECHELLE   49:38

And I because you have to participate. There’s an invitation. You are invited. But you have to say yes and you have to participate. God doesn’t, again, going back to God is a gentleman. He you know, he at times is very kind of big in s in the sense of dramatic sorts of things in your life, but then there are lots of the times he’s just he’s gentle and it’s a whisper. And it’s a nudge. And if you don’t do anything about it, he’s not gonna make you. He’s gonna be like, okay, I gave you free will for a reason. You don’t, you don’t have to say yes. I want you to.

BECKY   50:19

Right. Well, and at the same time though, I don’t wanna feel like I have to open up all the gifts. That sounds like a little bit of pressure to me too. You know, like you get to pick which ones you’re gonna do. Just pick something and go and do it, right?

RECHELLE   50:33

To do with timing. You know, I had these for you in this decade. I had these, you know, maybe, maybe it’s not maybe they’re not all meant for this moment. I don’t, I don’t think that. I think they were spread

50:45   Tight in the Bud

BECKY   50:45

Yeah.

RECHELLE   50:45

Out throughout your life. But like, what have you missed out on? Because you just this is a quote I loved. The time came when the risk to remain tight in the bud. Was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

BECKY   51:03

Oh, it’s almost like having a baby. You’re so ready. By the time you’re like nine months pregnant, you’re like, okay, just let’s get it out. You know, let’s have this baby. And and it is, you know, like when they’re out, it’s a lot of work, but you’re willing to do it, be well, because it’s your child, but also the all the, you know, you have been anticipating it for so long. So I love that. The the bud, you know, just ready to burst when it’s time. The right time. So

RECHELLE   51:33

And and that’s I need to give credit. That’s Anaïs Nin, who wrote that quote. And that quote has been speaking to me for over six years. So that was another one right before I started the podcast. And it was like, I don’t know, do I wanna remain tight in the bud? Is that is that really as safe as I think it is, or is doing this like far better? The the growing and the blooming.

BECKY   51:56

Well and see, and if nothing else, you can be like an it well, not I mean, you’re so many things, but an inspiration to other people who may have some of the anxiety that you do. And I love that idea of like it’s if I don’t if I don’t express myself now, when will I? You know, let’s it that it and that it’s possible to open up and to give, to continue to give at any time.

RECHELLE   52:21

Yes, and it and it takes you it takes you being brave enough. That’s a kind of a phrase we use on Unabashed You, brave enough to just sort of seek that little baby step. What is that little baby step? That i it sometimes it’s not much at all. And then that baby step might lead to another little baby step, and then the next thing you know, you’ve got some momentum going and you’re like, Okay, yeah.

BECKY   52:47

Let’s go. We’re on. We are on and going. I love it. Yeah. And that’s really what we’re trying to do. So yeah, we do similar things on our podcast and lifting

RECHELLE   52:56

Yes, we do.

BECKY   52:57

And building people and helping people to become more courageous. So, and I truly believe that, you know, all tides, tides lift all the boats. And so that’s I love collaborating with you, Rechelle on all the good things that you’re doing.

RECHELLE   53:11

I do too. I

53:12   An Adoption Story Full of Signs

BECKY   53:12

Good. I mean we to we talked a little bit about I d the one thing we d haven’t talked about yet that I read about you that you have an adopted daughter as well, is that right?

RECHELLE   53:25

Yes. So after our son died, we tried some more to have a child and I ended up going through early menopause, probably because of the death of my child. I mean, it’s not a you know, a huge jump that something like that would happen. So again, another God story of like people talking to us about adoption, like a stranger on the street, which honestly w we feel like was an angel. I mean never seen this person before or since and the way they stopped and just said, Have you ever considered adopting? And we’re like

BECKY   54:03

Where did that come from?

RECHELLE   54:04

I know. It was so incredible. Oh, it was it was otherworldly for sure. And I mean I don’t say that lightly, but there you know, and then a bus would go by, adopt, or and it was like, Oh g okay, Lord, you’re right. All right, okay, good, good, good. So we did end up adopting our last child. So I got a call, it had been a few years, or a lot of hoops that you have to go through in terms of bureaucracy and all that. And I got a call and our social worker said we the way she worded it, we have a daughter for you. She has brown hair and brown eyes, and she was born on December 30th. And the hairs on my arm and my body, they just stood straight up. And I was like, well, first of all, December 30th is my husband’s birthday. Right? It was like, oh my gosh, brown hair, brown eyes. That’s me. My husband has brown hair, more gray now. It just it just felt like God. It just felt like God. So we went to go meet her when the time was right, and she lived on Amor Place. Amor, of course, means love, which is great. It’s also the middle name of one of my stepchildren. It’s also the middle name of my brother-in-law. It’s a family name. So it’s like, I was

BECKY   55:35

My name. Mm-hmm.

RECHELLE   55:36

Like, oh my gosh. As we drove up to the house, I kind of gasped and Ron said, what is it? And I said, look, look. You know garden flags that people put in their gardens? Okay, so I gotta back I gotta before he described, I gotta back up a little bit. We got to have our son’s name was Christian John. We got to have him for Christmas before he died. And he had this cute little red onesie. So our Christmas card for that year was a picture of him in this cute little red onesie. He had the brown tossed hair and the big brown eyes. And when we so set that image aside, when we drove up to this house, the woman had out a garden flag that was a red robed baby angel with brown hair. And a halo around its head. And I’m now getting goosebumps again. And it was, we were we were freaked out. We were like, this is like our son is saying, Mom and Dad, she’s right here. Right, she’s right here. Well, we ended up telling that story to the family that had her in the interim, and they gave us the flag. So I’m gonna send to you a picture side by side of the little banner, and the and you’re like, okay, that’s gone. You cannot explain that any other way out of all the garden flags all the baby angels the color all of that it’s like okay lord yes we say yes we say yes

BECKY   57:08

Yeah. Well, and that probably helps you when you have struggles with that child, ’cause then you can remember, no, this was meant to be. This is this is exactly what was meant to be. Yeah.

RECHELLE   57:17

A hundred percent. She’s ours. She’s absolutely ours. I honestly at one time I would I was in a car with some women and we were talking about, you know, the doctors for our when we had our kids. I’m like, yeah, for Sean I had this doctor. For Christian, I had this doctor. For Taylor I had wait a minute. Who did I have for Taylor? I did not remember she was adopted in that scenario. I was trying to remember who my OB was when I had her. Yes, yes, yes.

BECKY   57:43

That’s interesting. Your OB was it was just it she was just meant to be part of your family from the beginning. So that’s beautiful. That’s a beautiful adoption story. And that actually is really helpful for, you know, when you do adopt a child, that’s I think that’s a good story to tell yourself is like this was exactly what was meant to be, and this child is my flesh and blood, you know, whether they biologically or not, and then you just accept them for who they are, just they are your child, you know, and mm I love that. That’s beautiful.

RECHELLE   58:17

Oh my gosh, yes. So it Yes, and she just fits right in and I mean it’s it’s beautiful

BECKY   58:27

That is love, you know, accepting someone into your into your home like that. Even any

RECHELLE   58:29

Love does. Love does.

BECKY   58:33

Children that you accept in your home is just a is love does, right? So I

RECHELLE   58:37

Yeah, yeah.

58:38   Rapid Fire Questions

BECKY   58:38

That’s great. Well, good. Well, I have a few rapid fire questions for you that I always like to ask at the end. So great.

RECHELLE   58:42

Yes, I’m ready for my rapid fire. I’m ready.

BECKY   58:47

Very good. All right. What has brought you joy in the last twenty four hours?

RECHELLE   58:51

We went to a concert last night for for KING & COUNTRY. For KING & COUNTRY. They are a Christian band. Oh my gosh. It was

BECKY   59:00

I think I’ve heard of them before. Yeah.

RECHELLE   59:03

It was surely a slice of heaven. I mean, it was just worship and hands up and singing and being together. And

BECKY   59:12

Hallelujah. Yeah.

RECHELLE   59:14

And you’d look around and there weren’t a lot of kids, but some kids, and then these little kids know all the words. They’re singing all the words and you’re like, oh my gosh, this is incredible. I love it. Love, love, love it.

BECKY   59:27

Yeah. That is happy. I love that. Okay, what’s been a good book that you’ve read recently?

RECHELLE   59:36

Okay, a book that I loved, loved, loved. Demon Copperhead. Demon Copperhead. I know

BECKY   59:42

Demon Copperhead, okay.

RECHELLE   59:44

I avoided that book even though it was on the bestseller list for years. I thought I’m not reading any book with that title. That’s ridiculous. That’s I don’t care how many they sell. Sure enough, people around me had read it and I was like, all right. And then it was had been so long that now it was on sale for like, I don’t know, $2.99 or whatever. I’m like, okay, I can’t pass this up. It is by Barbara Kingsolver and it is a modern adaptation of David Copperfield. So she takes the David Copperfield story, and the young boy’s name is Damon. But the kids tease him and they call him Demon. So that’s where that come from comes from. And that’s the best book I’ve read in over 10 years, for sure.

BECKY   1:00:34

Wow. Okay. Well, that is good to know. I’m gonna totally look that one up. Okay, what about a

RECHELLE   1:00:38

My god, I love that book.

BECKY   1:00:40

TV show or documentary that you like?

RECHELLE   1:00:42

We just finished the la the latest season of Ted Lasso. So season four, he’s coaching the women. You know, at first you’re

BECKY   1:00:47

Oh yeah. So cute. Uh-huh. Yeah.

RECHELLE   1:00:52

Like, I don’t wanna like it, because it’s not the guys and not all the same characters, but then you’re like, okay, all right, it was it was pretty good. It was pretty good.

BECKY   1:00:59

Yeah. Yeah, he’s he’s a good character. He’s just such a genuine, you know, good person. So it’s that’s a fun one to watch.

RECHELLE   1:01:08

And very gentle and I love the way he teaches. He does he has this beautiful backdoor gentle way of teaching that I think is quite beautiful and wise and you know, something that, you know, we could imitate a little more.

BECKY   1:01:26

Yeah, I think so too. I love that. Okay, what about a charity or nonprofit that you support?

RECHELLE   1:01:32

I have three that have my heart. One is Comfort Cub. The Comfort Cub they make therapeutic teddy bears and I met this woman when two years after my son died. Sh we got connected, because her son was going to die when he was born. So she ended up making these therapeutic teddy bears that are very weighted. So it’s not just like a cute little teddy bear, they’ve got weight to ’em. So she just delivered twelve hundred to the 9/11 families. I mean, it’s it’s it’s worldwide. Wherever there’s a disaster They’re there passing out bears for comfort. The my next one that I love is Moseka Action Project. And I met her through Instagram, Bijou Lucas. She’s been on the show several times, never been around her in real life. But she does all this work for and that would be a whole nother podcast because it’s incredible work. Helping women and children in the Democratic Republic of Congo.

BECKY   1:02:33

Okay, great. Yeah. DRC. Uh-huh. Republic of Congo. Okay. Mm-hmm.

RECHELLE   1:02:34

So am I saying that right? DRC. Yes, yes, yes. And that’s where she’s from originally. And there’s so much need. I mean, there’s need all over the world. There’s need there. And then the other one I like is the Tariq Khamisa Foundation, TKF.org. They do a restorative justice. They teach that in the schools, and that’s a whole nother story that is absolutely beautiful and heartbreaking and unbelievable. How that even came to be in the first place. They all three have stories. I those three have my heart. I try to do whatever I can to support them because yeah.

BECKY   1:03:12

Yeah, I love the restorative justice stuff. That’s do you know Leymah Gbowee? Do you know who she is? She was in Liberia and stopped the civil war there by harnessing the power of women, really, and telling the men, you guys have gotta stop she was taught restorative justice and that’s what she tries to, you know, help she tries to help other countries in being able to you know, to be able to resolve conflict through peaceful means and you know, and apology, you know, and understanding and empathy really. So yeah, I love that.

RECHELLE   1:03:51

And this is done through the school system primarily because it was a gang related incident that happened and the young man he was thirteen at the time, fourteen when he was sentenced as an adult, he had killed a pizza delivery guy. For gang initiation. They put a gun in his hand and said you need to shoot him. He did. The guy the young man died. He was sent to prison. The father of the murdered boy became friends with the killer. And the sister became friends with the killer. And they formed an organization named for the son and they do all this work and actually when Tony, Tony Hicks, was released from prison, he joined the organization and did all this work for them. And teaching young kids, no, you don’t want to be a part of that. And here’s some things you can do. He actually was on the podcast once. I had the pleasure of getting to have a conversation with him. Sadly, he just recently died. Gosh, it’s so sad. But all this great, great work. Work kinda and to me that’s Romans 8:28. God is working this all for good. He got killed. Okay, we’re gonna start this. You’re going to prison, you get out, you’re gonna join here, we’re gonna do this, we’re gonna do all this good from all this tragedy. I mean it’s it’s it’s so good.

BECKY   1:05:16

It’s tragic, but at the same time, yeah, it’s it this is life and this is w ha you know, we don’t p you know, diamonds aren’t pa aren’t made by, you know, just taking a little cloth and trying to polish it. No, it’s

RECHELLE   1:05:29

Ha ha.

BECKY   1:05:30

Like hard. You have to get the, you know, the tools out there and really work hard at it. So oh, thank you for sharing that. What about one thing that you try to do every day?

RECHELLE   1:05:43

Well, I have breakfast with God every day. So you know, I do some reading, I do some pondering. So that’s something I do every day. I try to move every day, whether that’s Pilates or walking or even dancing in my kitchen. I’ll do that. Something creative. Something creative has to be done every day, whether that’s writing a blog, figuring out the next episode, w what coaching or working toward coaching, i that has to be done every day. I mean that is yeah, I have to I have to create. So I have to God, move, create, and then of course there’s you know family, friends and I l I love to read, so I gotta fit that in at some point.

BECKY   1:06:33

That’s a lot of things, Rechelle, that you’re fitting it fitting into your one thing a day.

RECHELLE   1:06:37

And then I finit I finish each day with two chocolate covered caramels from Trader Joe’s.

BECKY   1:06:45

I love that one. That’s good. I’d take chocolate and caramel any day. That’s awesome.

RECHELLE   1:06:49

Yeah, i ’cause it’s a it’s a sweet little treat. They’re not very big. You just have a couple and you go, Oh yes, my sweet tooth feels very satisfied. Thank you very much.

BECKY   1:06:58

I love that. Yeah, that’s good. And you don’t have to overdo it. You just take one and or two of them and then you’re good. That’s great. Okay, so what about a woman from history that inspires you?

RECHELLE   1:07:10

You know, it she instantly came to mind and she’s not that far back in history, but if we’re gonna define history by those that are no longer living, perhaps, I’m gonna say Maya Angelou. Maya Angelou. For me, hands down. I mean the life that she led, what she overcame, how she persevered. I mean, she didn’t talk for like I don’t remember how many years it was, five or six years. She chose not to speak ’cause she had been through such a traumatic event that she was just like, mm, done. But and then look at what she did with her life, her her thoughts, her words, speaking life and other people, mentoring other people. I mean I think I think oh my gosh. She she yeah, she inspires me. I you know I haven’t read any biographies about her or anything, but just little snippets that you get here and there. I did read I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. I did read that some years back. That was I think her first book. So it’s not like I’m an avid know a lot about her. I just find her inspiring.

BECKY   1:08:18

Yeah, I love that. Thank you. Okay. And what is one thing that listeners could try to do this week that would be Sendy?

RECHELLE   1:08:27

Sendy is being brave enough, so d finding one baby step because secretly you want to do it. God’s put that little nudge there, whatever it is, and then actually if it feels exciting and also scary, do it. Just do it. It’s the Nike.

BECKY   1:08:45

Just do it. Do.

RECHELLE   1:08:48

Just do it. Because that little tiny baby step could be a building block for who knows what. And you’ll be so glad you just did the little baby step. You’ll be so glad. You’ll be like, oh my gosh, I did the baby step. Maybe I can do another baby step. And it builds and it builds and it builds. I don’t know where it’s going to lead you, but don’t stay stuck. Come on.

1:09:11   Wrap-Up: Standing Tall & Unabashed You

BECKY   1:09:11

Yep. Get unstuck. I love that. Thank you so much. This has been just a pleasure to be with you today and to talk about your life and get all these great tips and under you know, lessons about how to be more Sendy particularly I think for people who do have some anxiety and panic attacks and things like that and ways to that there’s hope and there are ways that you can turn out to, you know, to do some things that are more courageous in spite of the fact that there are limit some what we think might be limitations, right? So yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

RECHELLE   1:09:48

Right, right. And you can you can work with those. You can work with those. And if any of your listeners want to reach out, zero obligation, I’m happy to connect. ‘Cause this is my joy, is to get to connect with people and you need some encouragement, you let’s talk. I mean I’m I’m here. I’m here for you.

BECKY   1:10:07

Yeah. Yep. So Rechelle has written a book about the experiences she had with losing her son. What’s that called, Rechelle?

RECHELLE   1:10:15

It’s called Standing Tall a Collection of Hope. Standing Tall a Collection

BECKY   1:10:18

Okay, love that.

RECHELLE   1:10:20

Of Hope. It’s available in paperback and also a auto audiobook version with me reading it is available.

BECKY   1:10:26

Okay. I love it. Very good. On Amazon, you can get that on Amazon then. Okay. I’ll put a sh link in the show notes. And then you can find her podcast at Unabashed You. Instagram handle is the same, right? And yeah. And then also a website, unabashedyou.com, right?

RECHELLE   1:10:46

Yes, I try to keep it real simple. Just yeah. And the whole idea

BECKY   1:10:49

Yep. There you go.

RECHELLE   1:10:51

Is you don’t need to apologize for who you are. This is not about being conceited or arrogant. This is about who you are and feeling very good about that and not feeling the need to apologize for it. There’s no need to apologize for who you are.

BECKY   1:11:08

No need to apologize for who you are. We will leave it at that. I think that is just a beautiful, beautiful summation of what we’ve talked about today. So appreciate you being here and have I’m just grateful for our friendship. So we’ll keep it up. Yes,

RECHELLE   1:11:24

Me too, Becky. Thank you so much. Appreciate you.

BECKY   1:11:29

You too. Thank you. And thank you for listening today. And we will see you next time.

Listen to the full episode and read the show notes at sendymom.com